Sunday, July 25, 2010

maria's in heaven ... and i'm on holidays ...

i didn't even realize how burdened i was for maria ... until she slept away ... it seemed that she was always on my mind - heavy on my heart ... it was a continual praying for her comfort and the Lord's mercy ... then she got to heaven first ... and though there is that earthly grieving - my burden is gone ... i know that all her suffering has ended ... in that regard, my heart doesn't feel the weight anymore ...

and i don't have to think of her as " my poor little maria"  anymore ... for that, i am so thankful ...

this past 3 weeks has been filled with the ordinary things of summer ... walks, swims, visits ... celebrating birthdays ... but i have also wanted to just be cocooned and quiet too ... my emotions are near the surface - but the peace remains ...

hoping you all are having a really blessed and sweet summer experience ...

Here She Comes

I am standing upon the seashore;
a ship at my side spreads
her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength
and I stand and watch her until at length
she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, "There! She's gone."

Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as when she left my side,
and just as able to bear her load of living freight
to the place of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"There! She's gone."
there are other eyes watching her coming
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout,
"Here she comes!"

... and that is dying.

~ anon ~


Mari said...

What a blessing to know that Maria isn't poor little Maria anymore - she is richer that any of us!

Felisol said...

Dear Saija,
A beautiful poem.
Just like this it must have been when Maria and my dad entered heaven.
I sat by my father's bed for over a month, he wasn't even able to speak. I knew from his four years in wheel chair, that he longed to come home, to heaven. I said, "Say hello to Jesus", as he went.
Even so I miss him, and the hurting hasn't stopped, yet.
I know he is where he wants to be. It's just; he meant the world to me, and I still wake up in the night, trying to help him,in my dreams.
Grieving takes time.
Rejoicing is also a part of it.
We sang, "He the pearly gate shall open" in his funeral, and it felt so right.

Maria will always remain a part of your life, and also a victorious ending.
From Felisol

Crown of Beauty said...

Oh my dear Saija,

How lovely this post is... it gives me mixed emotions - sad...happy...bittersweet...

Yes, the death of a loved one does that to us - relieving but in a sad and painful kind of way.

Amazing that you write this post just as I have also been led to review the past twenty months of my own journey through grief.

I am quietly with you in your own journey through grief. May God stay close to you and hold your hand.

I loved this poem so much.

Maybe one of these days I will quote it on my blog.

It is so beautiful.

I love your heart. Thank you for sharing so gently, so tenderly.

Much love, Saija...

Susan said...

So happy you are feeling the comfort that only our great God can give.

Nancy said...

My heart is sad for your loss of a beautiful sister, but so happy that you now feel the burden lifted and given time you will heal and remember the good times you both had. The main thing is you will one day be reunited!!!

Sita said...

This post just rings in my heart...what a beautiful poem...have to share that...blessings to you, dear sweet Saija..

Amrita said...

Dear Saija, I understand how it feels. You are so invilved in caring for yourloved one , they are on your mind day and night and when they are gone you feel different.

This has hapened to me too. And recently too after Aunt V 's passing away. Although I am still trying to tie up many 'loose ends '

Gracem peace and mercy be your.

Maggie Ann said...

A beautiful poem, a vehicle of truths. Grief is a heavy thing...thankfully God does not allow it to stay always. I'm glad you are having a restful time now. Cocooning....I understand. I woke up with such a sore throat today. Could it be because I cried my way thru..."Skylark", the sequel to 'Sarah, Plain and Tall'? Have you watched this Saija? I loved this series so much...I'm loving the little boy Caleb in his part, the whole movie is a beautiful thing. My hubby and son urged me to buy the dvds...I had been bidding on VHS tapes, so a few days later, I have the brand new dvds. If I was here by myself, I'd watch them all....grin. Maybe even in one day...*hugs*

Sonja said...

I'm hopping over from Lidj's blog. Your tribute in poem for your sister is so beautiful. It makes each of us who have grieved the loss of one we love, both identify and be comforted.

Thank you for sharing it. The hope of Jesus is more real than ever in the grieving.

Blessings and prayers.


Pat said...

What a beautiful post. I too still think of Maria and am comforted that she is in her brand new home...perfect and whole.
This poem ministers to all who have lost a loved one. It's very special.
Do what ever the spirit leads you in this time of your grieving. Rest in Him.

Cathy said...

That is a beautiful poem, Dear. And your lilies are so pretty. Praying for God's comfort and peace for you, my sweet friend ~

Catherine said...

Such a beautiful post! I'm glad you have found some peace. In some ways I've always been grateful that my brother's death was so sudden and unexpected -- I can't imagine what it would have been like to watch him go through a prolonged illness. I hope he and Maria have crossed paths by now. Maybe he's showing her around up there. :)