Monday, December 25, 2006

the intent of my heart ...


i posted this pic last night ... i found the picture first, then the saying ... put them together and now i love the way this poster looks ...

i personally had a really peaceful and wonderful time this Christmas season - all the way to noon on the 24th ... then i got another unexpected e-mail ... what is it with these e-mails lately?

anyway, this one truly hurt my heart ... i was able to shrug off the other e-mail of a few weeks back ... understanding, sort of, where it was coming from ... but this e-mail was so totally unexpected that the rug was taken out from underneath my feet ...

you know that feeling ... where there is an ache in your chest and you just feel awful? that's what i had on Christmas eve and most of the 25th ... i couldn't even shake it with prayer ... tho' i did do alot of that ...

i think maybe my skin was too thin ... i mean, so much has gone on in our lives in a very short while ... mostly good stuff ... yet emotions are still involved ...

well this morning ... as i watched the sunrise here at our condo ... having my morning prayer time ... i realized that God KNOWS my heart ... He knows the INTENTIONS of my heart too ... in this particular case, that i got chewed out for, i only had happiness and joy beforehand ... there was nothing else involved that i know of ... just a joyful sharing ... so my heart was and is clean regarding anything done to anyone else ...

that thought just freed me of guilt ...

i hate when i get sucker punched into feeling emotions that are not legitimate in any way ...

but i love when God teaches me a lesson ... and reminds me that HE KNOWS what is in my heart and mind ... and that is really all that should matter ...


"My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.

And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God! We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we're doing what he said, doing what pleases him." 1 John 3: 18-22


7 comments:

jel said...

hi, I have felt that way, and it is not a fun feeling!

I'm sorry this happen to you!

Maiju said...

I'm sorry too that you had to experience this on Christmaas. God will heal your wounds!

Saija said...

jel ... yes, that heaviness of heart seems like a big rock to carry within ... but the Lord lifted my burdon this morning ... and i feel joy within again! :o)

maiju ... i didn't know how to avoid the hurt, since it was from a surprise source ... but God taught me again that if my heart is clean before Him, then i don't need to hold onto the hurt ... i feel so much better, but wanted to share the lesson that came ouf of it ... blessings to you!

Debra said...

My oh my.... What is it with these people? ...sigh... But alas--I've learned that when hard things come in groups like that, usually it is a test... and God is watching to see if we have done our homework... and then when we start passing these tests they go away. Though, of course, then we get tests in a whole new different area! :) Been there, done that.... And if it's any consolation, I see you growing by leaps and bounds as I read your blog! ...so hang in there... Blessings to you and Leo this new year.... Debra

Saija said...

debra ... thank you for that ... i read your post this a.m., and that actually started making me feel better ... then i had my coffee, plus sunrise prayer time and God truly did show me that this time, my heart and intentions were clean ... i didn't need to carry the load any further, so i just dropped it right there! of course, i still hate to have misunderstandings in the family - but sometimes no amount of talk will make the other party see any different ... again, thank you for your thoughts ... blessings to you!

Linda said...

I'm so sorry to hear about this incident, Saija. I've had my share of attacks this year and it's no fun. But I look back and remember God's faithfulness in being my Defense and Refuge, and am grateful to see that He is revealing Himself to you in the same way. He will never let us down.

Time to repeat Romans 8:28 over and over again. :-)

((((hugs)))

Saija said...

linda ... yup, lessons in grace can be painful ... yet our level of maturity is what is tested, so we can go to the next level ... the Lord really did shine a spotlight and show me my heart on this one ... "if your heart doesn't convict you, then neither do I ..." is what i heard ... and i am sorry that you too have had this experience, tho' if our spiritual side grows - well maybe we can truly thank God for ALL things!!! blessings!