Wednesday, December 19, 2007

anti social ...

this time of year can make me a little anti-social ... i would just as soon NOT have contact with "normal" folks until AFTER the holiday ... and why is that? you might wonder? i guess it's because leo and i are about as far from normal as you can get! ... well as it pertains to gatherings, family and the expected norm of Christmas holidays ...

my friend Debra over at As I See It Now, is a real kindred spirit when it comes to obeying and listening to that quiet inner Voice during these times of extra seasonal stress ... i appreciate her blogging honesty, because it has helped me to deal with the guilt i used to carry ... guilt added onto by each well meaning soul who would innocently suggest i do this or that ... always with a "you should" ...

ok - i'll elaborate just a wee bit ... leo doesn't feel well ... yes, i know that most of you realize this ... but i mean, he really feels YUCKY (excuse the medical term i threw in!) ... that is the stress of our day in and day out living ... during these times when people get together and invite us to functions (well usually they know it's just me who would be coming), i politely say "no thank you" ... i mean i could be out quite a bit if i wanted too ... but i don't ...

some argue that it would be good for me to get out ... yes, i agree ... and i do go out ... but Christmas tends to be in overdrive for gatherings ... and mostly they are social, eating & drinking type of affairs ... not the spiritual feeding type of activity ...

and did i mention that leo doesn't feel well? i become more sensitive to his needs at this time of year ... especially when i watch other families ... folks doing things together ... even simple things like a walk to see the Christmas lights ... leo can't do any of this ... the pain becomes far to unmanageable ...

i do get out ... you all know that ... but at Christmas, when families around me are doing "normal" family stuff ... it can hurt to see what we have lost ... not that i feel a pity party coming on - it's just that the magnifying glass of the seasonal expectations seems more obvious ...

so i like to be with my man ... in our little oddball, definitely not normal, world ... 'cause it works for us ... the real meaning of Christmas still rings true in our home ... and ONE DAY Leo wil have a body that doesn't hurt and i will have a heart that doesn't ache ...

17 comments:

Ginger said...

Thanks for articulating that, Saija. I'm sending you a hug for the Christmas season. May your little home nest be warm and bright as you pull your cocoon around you a bit.

Mari said...

Saija - I tend to be a home body and don't like all the busyness that comes with this season. If my husband dealt with what Leo does, I would be doing the same as you are. And you know what - I bet you and Leo have more joy as you celebrate Christmas quietly than many people do in the parties!

Rita said...

Do what makes you and Leo happy. I'm afraid many people try too hard to make up for our failings of the year during the days before Christmas. We should be enjoying family and friends and fellowship throughout the year.

Anonymous said...

Very understandable. In ways we prefer to be alone too...cause things are not as they should be within our family. It is easier to not focus on that when we are apart. I wish we could be together, but we are getting more comfortable with not. Contentment within whatever box we find ourselves in, is the best we find. Blessings on you...I hope you 2 can find some good ways to spend the time together with just each other!!

Elizabeth

Jammie J. said...

I believe that the Christmas spirit means to honor God, recognize Jesus' birth and spend time with your loved one (or ones).

I know you do all of those and more. I also know you get out and take beautiful pictures and I'm hazarding a guess here that one of the first people you share those pictures with are Leo.

One day it will be different, but for now, you do what you can and say no to that which you can't.

Cathy said...

Aw, sweet Saija, praying for you and Leo. I know it hurts you for Leo to be in pain. And I'm sorry he is feeling so bad. Your feelings are very understandable. Yes, one day we will all be perfected and living in mansions with Jesus! And our eyes have not seen, nor ears heard, what He has prepared for us those who love Him.:o)

Mimi said...

Dear Dear Saija,
other peoples expectations of what we should do to enjoy ourselves..are not always correct...
mingling and partying is not always the way that all of us wish to spend a pleasant evening...
when one is in pain or uncomfortable it becomes a chore to entertain or be entertained...
you and Leo know what is comfortable and joyous for you... and that is just what you need to do, without feeling guilty or down about it...
as for me and my hubby... we are going to spend the day.. watching Christmas movies... and just enjoying each other in our little house with the Christmas lights glowing...
I pray that Leo has a comfortable day and you can truly enjoy the day and each other...
Love and {{Hugs}}
Mimi

Daughter of the King said...

Can I say...I KNOW in many ways what you are saying...the expectations of others...on me...is sometimes so overwhelming..I almost SHUT DOWN..or sometimes my own expectations.....I hibernate so much more than I ever thought I would...I can only walk for a brief time...STANDING in line brings me to tears....
Not to long ago..I wrote a post on what was a prayer warrior...why because I wanted to find SOMETHING that had some eternal value..that I could do ....on my days...that the pain was rough......
I share your feelings...and God will bless you...for putting your husband as priority......
Deby

Mrs. Mac said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. Most Christmas expectations in the world today are man's expectations ... God's are far different. Your words spoke right to my heart as I often feel left out and guilty for not spending Christmas as in past times. But times are different in our family too ... with caring for our son Nathan. I must celebrate that we can be together as a family in our home and be sheltered in God's love without all the merrymaking going on around us. It's OK.

You are a good wife to Leo and I'm sure in caring for him you have a very tender heart. Blessings

Pat said...

How beautifully you write what is on your heart. I understand what you are saying - your family IS you and Leo - that's where you need to be, with your family. You celebrate the real meaning of Christmas - not something the world has made up. It sounds like a wonderful Christmas to me. What a pricelss gift that will be when Leo is free from pain, there will be celebrating like no one has ever seen!!
Blessings, and have a very Merry Christmas!

Flip Flop Floozie said...

I can understand how you feel. You just want to be wherever Leo is and that is the RIGHT THING!! I was invited last Sunday to a scrap at a friends house. I have never gone because Sunday is about the only day that my hubby is home. I wanted to stay with him. I am still not sure that she understood this. I understand!! You wrote what you felt very well..Sandy

Saija said...

i am feeling blessed by your comments and (hugs) through the wires ... truly i am ... you guys are great to lift me up and to help me carry on ...

i humbly thank you ...

Maggie Ann said...

What beautiful comments...lots of wisdom, compassion and empathy. Add me to the list please! After our church services....home is where I want to be...cozy and lazy. I've always been a little reclusive. My church family has helped me mega with that...but I'm still more at home with a good book or playing air hockey with my hubby than in a group. Before I ramble on...Merry Christmas to you & Leo! It is hard not to bake when the urge hits, isn't it? You remind me I want to make more pizzelles and rosettes. If I get the batter mixed up my hubby will make them...oh that blessed man! =)

Penless Thoughts said...

This brought tears to my eyes because it is so honest!!!! God bless you and Leo.
Susan

Nancy said...

You are so honest & I tend to feel the same as you. All the hype is not the true meaning. I often end up working on Christmas so we will be home just the two of us as well & it will be a quiet blessing.
We try to limit our gatherings to just a couple with family.
May you & Leo have a Blessed time together.

Debra said...

Hey Saija! I just now saw this post and I wanted to thank you for mentioning me and I'm so glad I've been able to help you feel peaceful about being home. Took me awhile to get there, myself, but now I have such peace about it that no one can take that peace away, no matter how often they give me the "you shoulds". :) Blessings... ( and thanks for your sweet comments at my blog!)... Debra

Catherine said...

I can empathize with this! I'm able to get out and about more than Leo is, but I do have to plan my social activities very carefully, because I tire so easily and need a lot of rest in between outings. On a workday, I do not do anything else. I will not go out for drinks, dinner, shopping, movies, etc., after work. I am too exhausted from working all day. On the weekends, I can do social activities on Saturday, but I need Sunday to myself to rest up for the new workweek. It's taken years for me to get my family and friends to understand this, and sometimes they still don't seem to get it. I know they mean well when they invite me to do things, though. It's just difficult for people who don't suffer from chronic pain to understand what it's like for those of us who do.