remembering Isa

once upon a time ... long long ago ...

4 years ago, i made a Father's day card for my dad ... knowing in my heart that this would be the last one ... it was ... he died 4 months later, at the young age of 72 ...

it's funny how that *missing* feeling inside can still take over and make me so sad ...

a friend told me that even though her father had been gone for over 20 years, she still missed him terribly ... for me, the pain isn't as sharp anymore - but i would like to see his face and the way his eyes would light up at the sight of me ...

he loved me ... i know that ... tho' he wasn't a very demonstrative man ... in fact, the days he spent dieing - were the days he openly displayed his affection ... he held my hand, and even kissed my cheek ... that was a major show of love from this very stoic Finlander ...

my dad's addictions were something he battled all his life ... when he was in control of them - he was the best of fathers ... when they controlled him - well i won't go there today ...

i wonder why God gives us the particular parents that He does? it must be for an eternal reason ... so i do thank my Heavenly Father, for the lessons learned from my earthly father ...

this father's day i remember ... dancing with my dad, my little feet on top of his, as he waltzed a giggling little girl around the room ... i remember putting my hand in his hand and feeling secure ... i remember a wave and a crooked smile ... i remember isa ...