Wednesday, December 15, 2004

memories

anticipation Posted by Hello

Christmas is a unique experience for each of us . . .
for a child it can be magical . . .
for new parents a first family Christmas to treasure . . .
for a large family, it is a time to see one another . . .
but for some it can be so stressful that it results in death . . . the news last night backed that statement with graphs and statistics . . .

i remember happy childhood Christmases; the aroma of Christmas baking, anticipation of gifts, warm fuzzy feelings . . .

i remember sad Christmases, where fear coloured everything with dread . . . "please Lord, i pray that daddy doesn’t drink too much".

i remember Christmases that were filled with guilt . . . how can i be happy when dad is all by himself? i wonder if he is ok? i hope he’s not passed out in the cold somewhere . . .

and i remember those very rare of Christmases when all who i loved were near me . . . there was no guilt, i could freely enjoy the moment ...

yup, this season sure muks with the emotions and makes us all go to places that we hadn’t thought about in awhile . . .

maybe it's good to revisit Christmas past . . . if the memories are sad, then we can appreciate the present ... if the memories are good, then it's lovely nostalgia time . . .

either way, we are who we are - because of where we’ve been . . .

5 comments:

J. said...

My father was an alcoholic, too. You are right. We are who we are ... our experiences shape us. God's love heals us. I wonder sometimes why His love is so hard to accept ... perhaps, for me, because my earthly father let me down because he gave into an earthly weakness.

I think I'm waxing philisophical tonight, forgive me.

((Hugs -- because I needed one))

Saija said...

Jeanette:
big big big HUGS to you, being an alcoholics child makes you so conscious of that drinking thing, eh . . . i had some happy story i was going to share, but then i read your blog about the drunks at your Christmas table . . . Michaels blog about drinking and driving . . . and Debra's encouragement to share my life . . . so i did . . . tho' i cringe when i put down in B&W some unhappy memory . . . ? ? ? i don't want to make others sad . . .

are your folks divorced? mine are . . .
my dad died 3 years ago, and i loved him and miss him still . . .

Peg said...

My husband's grandfather was an alcoholic and he doesn't drink either. Jeannette, I wondered if that is why you don't drink. Interesting......
Saija - I love your black and white picture... ahh memories- good and bad - they shape who we are now.

J. said...

Hi Saija, Thanks for the hugs. Yes, I am extremely sensitive to drinking. It's really kind of weird for me. I don't have many memories of my childhood. Yet, I find it abhorrent when people become drunk and it triggers something in me when that happens.

My personal feelings on sharing sad things are that I don't want to bring anyone down, but we can't ALWAYS be the light for others. Sometimes we need others to lift us up, too. That's the way God made us. By being real, I have attracted readers who, I hope, I am making a difference in their life ... for God. Sometimes I'm a grump, sometimes I'm funnier than a bird whistling out the wrong end and sometimes ... well, sometimes, I'm not much of a Christian. Just this week I did something I'm so embarrassed about as a Christian that it is STILL making me ashamed of myself.

My parents separated when I was 8. My father died 10/7/2000 from complications of being an alcoholic his entire life. He did accept Christ one year before he passed away. In that one year, he became a shining light for God. So, even though I didn't know him here on earth, I will get to know him in Heaven. :)

Yes, Peg, my father's alcoholism is precisely why I don't drink. He lost his wife and two kids ... and, ultimately, his life all because of liquor.

Saija said...

Peg: :o) . . . the black/white pic used today is of me . . . in finland . . . all bundled up ...

Jeanette: thanx for sharing that . . . my folks divorced when i was 10, my brother was 7 . . . SO glad your dad became a believer before he died . . . i have the hope that my dad did too, but no earthly confirmation . . . there had much discussion (dad was well read and was actually quite the intellectal on many topics) BUT . . . ? . . . the Lord knows and gives comfort . . .