Monday, December 20, 2004

chronic illness

yesterday was a good day for Leo - today is a bad one . . . this of course starts a domino effect and i get down too ... i find it just wretchedly awful to watch my husband in pain to the point where he is nauseous with headaches . . . he has meds for the pain, nausea, etc . etc. . . . but there is a point where they don’t help . . .

the Lord knows what kind of day it will be and sends a Word in due season . . . today’s devotions were:

Tried By Fire
You, O God, have tested us; You have refined us as silver is refined. —Psalm 66:10
"The main end of life is not to do but to become," F. B. Meyer said.
And for this we are being prepared every day. As silver is refined by fire,
the heart is often refined in the furnace of sadness. The psalmist said in his sorrow,
"We went through fire" (Psalm 66:12).
The refining process may be very painful, but it will not destroy us,
for the Refiner sits by the furnace tending the flame. He will not allow us
to be tried beyond our endurance; it is for our good.
We may not understand why we have to endure such misery
year after year. The ordeal seems endless and pointless.
Our days are wasted, or so it appears. We feel as if we are
doing nothing of lasting significance.
But God is doing what matters—we are being refined.
He is placing us into a crucible in which we acquire patience,
meekness, humility, compassion, and the other "quiet" virtues
our souls naturally lack.
So don't be afraid and don't fret. Your present trial, as painful as it may be,
has been screened through God's wisdom and love.
The Refiner sits beside the crucible tempering the flames,
monitoring the process, waiting patiently until
His face is mirrored in the surface.
—David Roper

"As thy day thy strength shall be!"
This should be enough for thee;
He who knows thy frame will spare
Burdens more than thou canst bear. —Havergal

The fires of testing can produce a shining testimony.

now i don’t know how shining our testimony is, but i do believe that even tho’ i can’t see the purpose . . . the Lord does have one . . . i just need wisdom, love, faith to be the wife Leo needs ...


Falconmyst said...

Enjoyed your inspirational site; would be encouraged by any reviews of mine. I'm new to the Blog world.

Saija said...

thanx for stopping by and for your note . . . i left my reviews for you at your blog . . . this current post isn't the cheeriest of things i write - but life is the real deal and not always a smiley event . . .

Anonymous said...

I admire your faith. It's tough being strong during the tough times. That's when our faith is tested the most. Bless you and Leo.

Saija said...

thanx Char . . . i have this little quirk about not wanting to share the "bad stuff", only showing a "good front" . . . but that wouldn't be honest, because some days it IS difficult to watch a loved one suffer . . . and poor Leo - i can only imagine what he must feel like on the worst of days . . .

after a particularly tough day, Leo usually sleeps the evening away, the drain of handling the pain just tuckers him out . . . i guess sleep is a good thing ...

the Lord gives the strength, and bolsters our little faith to make it "enough".

J. said...

Hi Saija, Pain *is* draining and tiring, but I've learned when I'm down that the love of those around me, INCLUDING my blog friends, provides comfort to me and we're supposed to be here for each other.

Most people don't usually know what to say ... but really, all that's needed is a "hello, here's a cyber hug, I'll say a prayer and tell you I love you." So that's what I'm sending to you and Leo today.

Saija said...

thanx Jeanette . . . you're absolutely right about cyber hugs and prayer - thank you for that! . . . my spirits have lifted somewhat . . . a shared load is a lighter load . . . but aren't these tough days a drain? you have experience in them too i know . . . i'm just hoping that my poor boy can enjoy our Christmas gathering a bit (crowds can be tough) ... unfortunately you can't pick and choose the times the pain flair ups occur . . . if only, eh!

J. said...

No, you absolutely cannot control when pain flares. But, really, the people you are with won't hold it against you if he (or you) start to feel poorly. If they do, then that's something they need to work on, not you.

I mean, it's not like you're 6 year olds faking a temp. to avoid school. :)

All of us have difficulty, pain, resulting depression ... it's what allows us to have compassion for others. With God's help and the support of our friends, we get through it ... day by day. Stay in the present, don't worry about Christmas. God has it in control.

Saija said...

absolutely right . . .
and a good sleep should help ... leo has dozed all evening - in the famous words of Scarlet O'Hara "Tomorrow is another day". . . :o)

Anonymous said...

Life is pain... whether it's physical or psychological... but the enjoyment of God's love is the the anesthetic.